One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church.

It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.

The seven-year-old had been staring at th e plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Alex."

"Good morning," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque.

"What is this?" Alex asked.

"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Little Alex's voice was trembling and barely audible when he asked, "Which service, the 9:45 or the 11:15?"

There is a teacher speaking in front of a group of boy college freshmen about the college rules. The teacher starts talking about the dorm rooms. "If you get caught in a girls dorm room after nine o'clock, you will get a fifty dollar fine. If you get caught twice, you get a hundred dollar fine. If you get caught three times, you get a two hundred-fifty dollar fine and suspension for a week at the least." So a boy raises his hand and asks, "How much for a yearly pass?" 

A businessman walks into a bank in San Francisco and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $7,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan.

So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the $7,000 and the interest, which comes to $19.67. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little confused. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What confuses us is why would you bother to borrow $7,000?"

The businessman replied, "Where else in San Francisco can I park my car for two weeks for $20 bucks?"

JUST A REMINDER *** In May, June, July and August the salon will only be open on Sundays and I will be taking late night appointments (after 7 pm). Call the salon to schedule your appointments @ 446-1313 *** 

An elderly couple was driving cross-country, and the woman was driving. She gets pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer says, "Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?" 

The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?" 

The old man yells, "HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING." 

The patrolman says, "May I see your license?" 

The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?" 

The old man yells, "HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE." The woman gives him her license. 

The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once, had the worst sex with a woman I have ever had." 

The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?" 

"HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU," the old man yells. 

Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

I would not allow this associate to breed.

Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

He would be out of his depth in a puddle.

This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

This associate should go far - and the sooner he starts the better.

This associate is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash.

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM. 

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.

She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

May 1, I will be going back to school full time for four months (May, June, July and August). I will open all day on Sundays and taking late night appointments (after 7 pm). Call the salon to schedule your appointments @ 446-1313 or text me @ 990-2853. 

Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees.

A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle. 

Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.

Candidate fell and broke arm during interview. 

Candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fies in the interviewers office. 

Candidate explained that her long-term goals was to replace the interviewer. 

Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico. 

Balding Candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a headpiece. 

Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm. 

Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions.

Candidate brought large dog to interview. 

Applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed standing up. 

Candidate dozed off during interview. 

The employers were also asked to list the "most unusual" questions that have been asked by job candidates. 

"What is it that you people do at this company?" 

"What is the company motto?" 

"Why aren't you in a more interesting business?" 

"What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?" 

"Why do you want references?" 

"Do I have to dress for the next interview?" 

"I know this is off the subject, but will you marry me?" 

"Will the company move my rock collection from California to Maryland?" 

"Will the company pay to relocate my horse?" 

"Does your health insurance cover pets?" 

"Would it be a problem if I'm angry most of the time?" 

"Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?" 

"Do you think the company would be willing to lower my pay?" 

"Why am I here?" 

Also included are a number of unusual statement made by candidates during the interview process. 

I have no difficulty in starting or holding my bowel movement. 

At times I have the strong urge to do something harmful or shocking. 

I feel uneasy indoors. 

Sometimes I feel like smashing things. 

Women should not be allowed to drink in cocktail bars. 

I think that Lincoln was greater than Washington. 

I get excited very easily. 

I am fascinated by fire. 

I like tall women. 

People are always watching me. 

If I get too much change in a store, I always give it back. 

I must admit that I am a pretty fair talker. 

I never get hungry. 

I know who is responsible for most of my troubles 

If the pay was right, I'd travel with the carnival. 

I would have been more successful if nobody would have snitched on me. 

I think I'm going to throw-up.