Why compliment?
Complimenting is foolproof. Everyone loves a compliment. Even if we're shy, insecure or suspicious of motives, complimenting just works. It makes us smile and feel better than we did before. Importantly, saying something kind can have an impact far beyond the actual words, bringing us closer to realizing our inner beauty.
(And remember: A "Facebook Like" isn't a substitute for a real, honest-to-goodness compliment.)
Even better, compliments multiply. The more compliments we give, the more we can't help but give. Not only that, the positive connection helps us take the spotlight off one's own negativity.
It's not always easy...
If you're feeling awkward or shy, it can be much harder to give a compliment. I find that it takes a good deal of confidence to notice great things about others or make the first move to share those great things.
Trust that a sincere compliment is always a welcome boost. Sure, some folks may reject your compliment. Some may even argue with you. "Oh, this old thing?" (And of course, super personal comments should be reserved for close friends.) But, for the most part, compliments are a guaranteed way to make both the giver and recipient feel better about themselves.
Here are my favorite dos and don'ts for fool-proof complimenting.
Do's
Mean it: Honestly believe what you are saying or you risk seeming insincere. One way to mean it is to compliment character traits instead of objects. These kinds of compliments are heard less often than compliments on looks or clothes. Complimenting a teacher on her ability to keep students motivated or a friend on how hard they've worked toward a goal will go much farther than, "I like your green hat."
Be specific: Which compliments meant the most to you? It's most likely the compliments that show that the giver was paying attention. Instead of an eager, "OMG, I LOVE your dress," consider, "I love the way your dress emphasizes your gorgeous collarbones." The more specific your compliment is, the more it means.
Ask a question: Paying attention, true attention, to someone is the kindest compliment. So use this opportunity to start a conversation. Back up your compliment with a question you genuinely want to know about your subject. Even a question like, "I love your necklace, where did you find it?" can open the recipient up to real connection.
Reveal a little: When complimenting, give a little away to the complimentee. Vulnerability invites people into your experiences. "Your writing made me see how jealousy was impacting my life" is far more potent than "Your writing is really good." Sharing how someone made your life better is a perfect place to start.
Pass it on: One of the many strange things about us humans is that when we hear bad things, we're quick to tell others, but when someone shares something nice, we keep it to ourselves.
Next time you hear something nice about someone, don't stop. Pass it on to the person being complimented. Let's multiply those good feelings!
Don'ts
Offer back-handed compliments: Watch out for compliments that could do more damage than good, like "You'll look so great when you finally get that skin cleared up." As well, don't turn around and criticize someone behind her back after you just complimented her to her face. Mean what you say.
Be self-serving: Just don't say something to someone to get them to like you. That's a given. On the internet and in real life, inauthenticities are easily detected.
One way to avoid being seen as a brown-noser is to compliment the person to someone close to them — their assistant, or a friend. That way, the message gets through and you can save your reputation.
Second guess: Sometimes we second-guess ourselves, worry about what other people will think, doubt our own authenticity and start to panic. It's no fun to get riled up over something that is no good for us. Trust that everyone wants to hear good things about themselves and just say it.
Accepting Compliments
Once you mastered the art of giving compliments, you might just find that you're better at receiving compliments. As a recovering compliment deflector, I've found it can be tough to genuinely receive kind words. I've replied with an embarrassed "Thanks," I've tried to dismiss the compliment pointing out the flaws in my work. I've even blamed luck.Since then, I've found better choices. Having stock replies like "That was so nice. Thank you!" or "What a great memory, you remembered!" can help let a compliment in. Consider that compliment a gift. Ypu wouldn't toss a gift from a friend; you can do the same with compliments.
Giving a compliment isn't easy. Be gracious. When someone does offer you a compliment, accept it gracefully. If merited, pay it back. Let people know that you appreciate them for appreciating you.
http://styleunited.com/TipsAndTrends/article/How-to-Give-Compliments
Complimenting is foolproof. Everyone loves a compliment. Even if we're shy, insecure or suspicious of motives, complimenting just works. It makes us smile and feel better than we did before. Importantly, saying something kind can have an impact far beyond the actual words, bringing us closer to realizing our inner beauty.
(And remember: A "Facebook Like" isn't a substitute for a real, honest-to-goodness compliment.)
Even better, compliments multiply. The more compliments we give, the more we can't help but give. Not only that, the positive connection helps us take the spotlight off one's own negativity.
It's not always easy...
If you're feeling awkward or shy, it can be much harder to give a compliment. I find that it takes a good deal of confidence to notice great things about others or make the first move to share those great things.
Trust that a sincere compliment is always a welcome boost. Sure, some folks may reject your compliment. Some may even argue with you. "Oh, this old thing?" (And of course, super personal comments should be reserved for close friends.) But, for the most part, compliments are a guaranteed way to make both the giver and recipient feel better about themselves.
Here are my favorite dos and don'ts for fool-proof complimenting.
Do's
Mean it: Honestly believe what you are saying or you risk seeming insincere. One way to mean it is to compliment character traits instead of objects. These kinds of compliments are heard less often than compliments on looks or clothes. Complimenting a teacher on her ability to keep students motivated or a friend on how hard they've worked toward a goal will go much farther than, "I like your green hat."
Be specific: Which compliments meant the most to you? It's most likely the compliments that show that the giver was paying attention. Instead of an eager, "OMG, I LOVE your dress," consider, "I love the way your dress emphasizes your gorgeous collarbones." The more specific your compliment is, the more it means.
Ask a question: Paying attention, true attention, to someone is the kindest compliment. So use this opportunity to start a conversation. Back up your compliment with a question you genuinely want to know about your subject. Even a question like, "I love your necklace, where did you find it?" can open the recipient up to real connection.
Reveal a little: When complimenting, give a little away to the complimentee. Vulnerability invites people into your experiences. "Your writing made me see how jealousy was impacting my life" is far more potent than "Your writing is really good." Sharing how someone made your life better is a perfect place to start.
Pass it on: One of the many strange things about us humans is that when we hear bad things, we're quick to tell others, but when someone shares something nice, we keep it to ourselves.
Next time you hear something nice about someone, don't stop. Pass it on to the person being complimented. Let's multiply those good feelings!
Don'ts
Offer back-handed compliments: Watch out for compliments that could do more damage than good, like "You'll look so great when you finally get that skin cleared up." As well, don't turn around and criticize someone behind her back after you just complimented her to her face. Mean what you say.
Be self-serving: Just don't say something to someone to get them to like you. That's a given. On the internet and in real life, inauthenticities are easily detected.
One way to avoid being seen as a brown-noser is to compliment the person to someone close to them — their assistant, or a friend. That way, the message gets through and you can save your reputation.
Second guess: Sometimes we second-guess ourselves, worry about what other people will think, doubt our own authenticity and start to panic. It's no fun to get riled up over something that is no good for us. Trust that everyone wants to hear good things about themselves and just say it.
Accepting Compliments
Once you mastered the art of giving compliments, you might just find that you're better at receiving compliments. As a recovering compliment deflector, I've found it can be tough to genuinely receive kind words. I've replied with an embarrassed "Thanks," I've tried to dismiss the compliment pointing out the flaws in my work. I've even blamed luck.Since then, I've found better choices. Having stock replies like "That was so nice. Thank you!" or "What a great memory, you remembered!" can help let a compliment in. Consider that compliment a gift. Ypu wouldn't toss a gift from a friend; you can do the same with compliments.
Giving a compliment isn't easy. Be gracious. When someone does offer you a compliment, accept it gracefully. If merited, pay it back. Let people know that you appreciate them for appreciating you.
http://styleunited.com/TipsAndTrends/article/How-to-Give-Compliments
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